The trip:

“Up,Up, Unexpectedly//A journey for you.// Some healing for me” (UD)

It was shortly after the sign reading the Hobbit has been placed.

Am I going to Brooklyn bc some mythical creature on the internet told me too?

Isn’t this exactly what I have told my children NOT to do?

This is crazy. Why am I doing this?

That message posted shortly before the On Being interview between Justin Vernon and Krista Tippet was announced.

A friend in the chat posited that it was time for me to “take the solo trip to NYC”

And then they asked if I was going to On Air?

Being totally off socials at the time, I hadn’t heard the announcement.

“The,Fable I’ve held to myself//close to my heart//and guarded//Sable in the city that never sleeps//No sleep until Brooklyn//My secrets discard” (UD)

When a wizard knocks at your door, what do you do?

I checked my calendar.

“It seems it might work. Rarely would be able. But death comes and makes everything unstable. Lives have weight and make it unpredictable. It’s been a season of living in the Sable.” (me)

So I bought a ticket on a whim. An expensive ticket.

It isn’t such a big deal to get from Boston to NY. Take the train right into Manhattan. Cab ride to Brooklyn. Easy.

My kids are on break so they don’t need rides.

My husband will survive for a few days.

The thing is, it has become more than the interview (or at least I tell myself this). More than seeing my favorite rocktsar bear his soul for one of my favorite programs. I always thought he should give an On Being interview. He is a deep thinker. His music and poetry push you. I have felt that very actively this last year.

But although this is a good inticement, and possibly being personally invited? An intriguing little bit?…..

(I mean do you think he meant it literally? I’m really not sure. so hard to undertand when you are trading disconnected verse. He might have just been refering to the new album? or reading the hobbit but then again. Maybe it had a layered meaning.

Infernal wizard, and their riddle and ryhmes!)

This is no longer just about him. It is about me.

About coming home to myself.

It is my Odyssey; A trip I need to take.

It seems I have forgotten My name, and this is about remembering it.

Of going solo on a spirit quest.

I think alot of us lose ourselves in the middle. For me it was having kids, and the giving of myself that that required. The giving of my physical body over to this other purpose. The giving of my time and my dreams. I was exhausted during those years. So desperaely exhausted. I gave myself away, and I did it willingly, and would do it again, over and over.

While Justin Vernon built his career as a rockstar, I had two kids, one born the year For Emma came out, the other born the year Bon Iver came out. And both things were hard and beautiful. I wouldn’t trade those two precious beings for all the success in the world. I would drown in this sea of futility over and over again for them.

And I’m still raising those two boys, 17 and 13, but they don’t need me as much or in the same ways as they did before. And I find myself itching, and restless, waiting by the door.

This little trip is about that restless energy. I am not dead yet! And there are still adventures to be had.

And the wizard came knocking at my door! And left a cryptic message I might be interperting entirely wrong. But I’m going anyway. Even though I hate traveling alone, and the city intimidates me, I am doing this thing. I have done tougher things.

I am still the girl who went to see DJ. shadow at some club in SE, DC, all by herself, when she couldn’t find anyone who would go with her.

I am still able to strike out on my own, even if i rather enjoy coming home.

And this trip is about meeting that girl.