Sometimes grief sneaks up on you.
One moment you are trying to efficiently find
the perfect gift
for someone what who has everything they need already;
making your best effort to be
Holly and Jolly
in the crowded aisle of The Paper Store.
it is all glitter and cozy and light
and suddenly you are surrounded by her
in this weird mix of holiday kitsch and water bottles 
even the scent reminds you of her.

the next moment you are sobbing.
and making a mess out of your face.
and you are headed to the exit 
before anyone can ask if everything is ok?

safe in the car 
a private refuge to write a poem
but you haven’t brought a notebook
so you scribble these words
on the back of a receipt.

I miss you mom.
Merry Christmas.