3 hrs. 22 min. 13 sec.

About how long my courage held out
Agaisnt the wave of self doubt 
As it crested and rushed straight for my chest.

Was I lying to you about my motivation?
Lying to myself?

It became too much.
Too much weight.
Too much pain.
Too much guilt.
Too much vulnerability.

I could not stand the discomfort in my body.
I felt like I might throw up.
I had sweated through my shirt twice.
It wouldn’t let me sleep.

Fuck it.

Delete.

Afterward the feeling washed away in the foam,

But there was a twinge of regret felt in the undertow.